The One Where Rachel Quits

RACHEL: I'm training to be better at a job that I hate, my life officially sucks.

JOEY: Look Rach, wasn't this supposed to a temporary thing? I thought you wanted to do fashion stuff?

RACHEL: Well, yeah! I'm still pursuing that.

CHANDLER: How... exactly are you pursuing that? Y'know other than sending out resumes like what, two years ago?

RACHEL: Well, I'm also sending out.... good thoughts.

JOEY: If you ask me, as long as you got this job, you've got nothing pushing you to get another one. You need the fear.

RACHEL: The fear?

CHANDLER: He's right, if you quit this job, you then have motivation to go after a job you really want.

RACHEL: Well then how come you're still at a job that you hate, I mean why don't you quit and get 'the fear'?

CHANDLER: Because, I'm too afraid.

---

GUNTHER: Rachel?

RACHEL: Yeah.

GUNTHER: Remind me to review with you which pot is decaf and which is regular.

RACHEL: Can't I just look at the handles on them?

GUNTHER: You would think.

RACHEL: Okay, fine. Gunther, y'know what, I am a terrible waitress, do you know why I'm a terrible waitress? Because, I don't care. I don't care. I don't care which pot is regular and which pot is decaf, I don't care where the tray spot is, I just don't care, this is not what I want to do. So I don't think I should do it anymore. I'm gonna give you my week's notice.

GUNTHER: What?!

RACHEL: Gunther, I quit.

CHANDLER: Does this mean we're gonna have to start paying for coffee?

I'm not a terrible waitress, because I'm not a waitress. But this pretty much sums up my feelings of late. I don't care which pot is regular and which pot is decaf (or which form is the correct one or which report I need to run). I just don't care, this is not what I want to do. So I don't think I should do it anymore.

I'm not giving my two weeks notice yet, but man oh man I get closer everyday.

Calamity Change!!

Introducing (*drumroll*) Calamity Change: Unique jewelry featuring coins smashed on the railroad.

Since no one reads this site it doesn't matter that I haven't listed anything yet. But it exists!

New things in 2011 =)

random in 2011

As of 7am this morning I had spent 84% of 2011 in my pajamas. I imagine that would start to get old if I kept it up for the whole year, but I'd still have liked to try.

Yesterday I ran my first mile of 2011 on the treadmill. Gonna run my second mile of 2011 after work.

Speaking of work, I still hate it.

My new year's resolutions are:
-Run a 10k
-Quit my job in August
-Make some money selling earrings on etsy

I wish I could quit sooner, and indeed I had applied for a job that would have started next week (no interview even, boo). I realized last week while reading Crazy Aunt Purl's account of 2010, wherein she recounts getting laid off in June, that I really wished I could be laid off too. It's a completely awful thought, I know. But I feel so trapped by this job.

I gave handmade earrings to my sister and mom and my boyfriend's sister and mom for Christmas. Both mom's have worn them in my presence, but I don't know if that's because they really like them or if they want to make me feel good about myself. But I do feel good about myself for having made them and I like them. So whatever. I'm gonna open an etsy shop. I just need a name.

I made baby cupcakes for boyfriend's sister's baby shower. And I knit booties for her too, but they came out really big. Oh well. I almost finished a matching hat yesterday, that will fit the baby a little sooner I hope. I need to put up pictures. Well, I need to take pictures.

If you are actually attacked by a bear...

I've been daydreaming a lot lately about hiking the Appalachian Trail. Haven't worked out any firm plans yet, and probably won't for a long time, but for some reason I am totally fascinated by blogs about and information on planning a thru-hike of the AT.

I've spent an obscene amount of time looking at gear. An extraordinary amount of time reading about dehydrating food. More attention than I knew I had to discussions on how to pee with your pack on. And hours and hours and hours reading every portion of www.appalachiantrail.org, where I found the following piece of information:

"If you are actually attacked by a bear, you should fight for all you are worth with anything at hand – rocks, sticks, fists." (see the section about "wildlife")

I wonder how I would do at punching a bear.

mawwiage....

Friday, early evening:
Cab driver: So y'all look dressed up!
Me: Yeah, my sister's getting married tomorrow so we're on our way to the rehearsal.
Cab driver: That's wonderful! So is she following in your footsteps or will you be following in her's?
Me: (awkward pause while I try to figure out how to answer this) Umm, a little of both?
Cab driver: Uhhh.... Ok. (*crickets*)

Earlier today:
Me: Oh, I wasn't in yesterday because my sister got married this weekend.
Co-worker: Oh, that's wonderful! (looks at my left hand, sees no ring) Is she older or younger?
Me: She's younger.
Co-worker: Huh.
Me: (mentally slams head down on desk)


My sister had an incredibly lovely wedding this past weekend. My new brother-in-law is great, I love them both, and I'm totally happy for them. They're coming for Christmas this year and I'm very excited to get to see them again so soon. The reception was a rocking party during which I witnessed an incredible of amount of dancing by all of my relatives. It was outstandingly fun and I've been having a great time looking through the pictures.



................................. however.
I just wish my grandparents didn't give the same shit that I don't give about when (or just even whether or not) I ever walk down the aisle again. Multiple times over the weekend both grandparents said "Maybe now you'll get a ring!" Grandma kept saying how it was good to bring my boyfriend to as many weddings as possible so that he'd get the idea. During the reception, she pulled me close and started hashing out the details of my hypothetical wedding. Right before we left the hotel to drive home, Grandpa not so subtly implied that I should get married as soon as possible because they'd really like to be there and they aren't going to be around for too long.

Last year over Thanksgiving Grandma declared, "Well don't worry, you won't be alone forever." And when I stared blankly at her, not knowing how to respond, she clarified by saying "I mean, you'll get married again someday!"

It mostly bothers me because the message I get from all of it (and I've been getting it since before the ink was dry on the divorce decree) is that I am somehow not complete unless I'm married. I'm like a loose end that they want to see taken care of before they die.

And I seriously dislike the implication that I must be dieing to get married and it's just that my boyfriend needs a little prodding to pop the question. What if I don't want to get married right now or potentially ever? Why can't my grandparents get that? I do my best to brag about grad school and other things that I'm proud of and talk about how great my friends are and how full and fun my life is. But that all seems to just fly over their heads. It always comes back to when will I get married.

The rest of my family is great great great about this. My mom (having seen more closely what I went through before) is in absolutely no hurry for me to get engaged to anyone. My dad has repeatedly said he doesn't care what my tax status is so long as I'm happy. My aunt and uncle, who got to meet my boyfriend for the first time this weekend, simply said how much they liked him and they were happy that I'm happy.

So I suppose I'm actually lucky that it's only grandma and grandpa. But still. I hate to say it but I'd call and write more often if we could have a single conversation without this coming up.

a list

Was just thinking about all the things I keep meaning to do once I have some "free time"

Currently, we're up to:
-finish knitted dishcloths for wedding present (wedding which occurred in May '09, whoops)
-knit all kinds of baby stuff for the all kinds of friends I have who are knocked up
-knit a hat for myself (I've wanted a hat for so long and I keep not doing it or doing it but messing it up somehow, hats are not supposed to be that hard)
-read Harry Potter #5-7 (I read #1-4 all in a week around christmas 2000)
-read the three other books that have been languishing on my bedside table
-come up with some sort of organization for my crafts stuff (right now it's in various bags and boxes all over the house)
-use all the crafts stuff for collages
-get into a regular exercise routine again and train for a 10k
-watch all of Dead Like Me and Dexter (could go well with all the knitting)
-watch Avatar (Am I the only person you know who didn't see it in the theater?)
-experiment with the feasibility of my drill bit and shiny things project

Too many ideas, not enough time between semesters. There's been some stuff happening during the semester though, like a couple failed hats, knitted slippers, a pot roast, cleaning, sister's bachelorette party and bridal shower, football games and a couple of basketball games now too. I guess I have had free time, I just feel more guilty about it during the semester.

did something about it ("it" being the subject of the last post)

I don't particularly like just complaining to complain. So with that idea in mind, I complained to my academic adviser. Being in the social work program means that my adviser is a social worker, which means she's good at the problem solving.

So I was like GAH! and she was like Oh! and then she steered me towards a couple of opportunities. We'll see how they pan out, I made a spreadsheet about all of my options at this point and I think I've got a clear direction, just waiting to see if the door opens or not.

In the meantime, I've cultivated a little idea that might just turn into an etsy store if I get my act together enough on it. Once the semester is over and sister's nuptials are over, and I have some "free time" this little idea is getting tested out. It involves drill bits and shiny things. I'm kind of excited.