mawwiage....

Friday, early evening:
Cab driver: So y'all look dressed up!
Me: Yeah, my sister's getting married tomorrow so we're on our way to the rehearsal.
Cab driver: That's wonderful! So is she following in your footsteps or will you be following in her's?
Me: (awkward pause while I try to figure out how to answer this) Umm, a little of both?
Cab driver: Uhhh.... Ok. (*crickets*)

Earlier today:
Me: Oh, I wasn't in yesterday because my sister got married this weekend.
Co-worker: Oh, that's wonderful! (looks at my left hand, sees no ring) Is she older or younger?
Me: She's younger.
Co-worker: Huh.
Me: (mentally slams head down on desk)


My sister had an incredibly lovely wedding this past weekend. My new brother-in-law is great, I love them both, and I'm totally happy for them. They're coming for Christmas this year and I'm very excited to get to see them again so soon. The reception was a rocking party during which I witnessed an incredible of amount of dancing by all of my relatives. It was outstandingly fun and I've been having a great time looking through the pictures.



................................. however.
I just wish my grandparents didn't give the same shit that I don't give about when (or just even whether or not) I ever walk down the aisle again. Multiple times over the weekend both grandparents said "Maybe now you'll get a ring!" Grandma kept saying how it was good to bring my boyfriend to as many weddings as possible so that he'd get the idea. During the reception, she pulled me close and started hashing out the details of my hypothetical wedding. Right before we left the hotel to drive home, Grandpa not so subtly implied that I should get married as soon as possible because they'd really like to be there and they aren't going to be around for too long.

Last year over Thanksgiving Grandma declared, "Well don't worry, you won't be alone forever." And when I stared blankly at her, not knowing how to respond, she clarified by saying "I mean, you'll get married again someday!"

It mostly bothers me because the message I get from all of it (and I've been getting it since before the ink was dry on the divorce decree) is that I am somehow not complete unless I'm married. I'm like a loose end that they want to see taken care of before they die.

And I seriously dislike the implication that I must be dieing to get married and it's just that my boyfriend needs a little prodding to pop the question. What if I don't want to get married right now or potentially ever? Why can't my grandparents get that? I do my best to brag about grad school and other things that I'm proud of and talk about how great my friends are and how full and fun my life is. But that all seems to just fly over their heads. It always comes back to when will I get married.

The rest of my family is great great great about this. My mom (having seen more closely what I went through before) is in absolutely no hurry for me to get engaged to anyone. My dad has repeatedly said he doesn't care what my tax status is so long as I'm happy. My aunt and uncle, who got to meet my boyfriend for the first time this weekend, simply said how much they liked him and they were happy that I'm happy.

So I suppose I'm actually lucky that it's only grandma and grandpa. But still. I hate to say it but I'd call and write more often if we could have a single conversation without this coming up.

Sometimes it hits me

You've been in a cave lately if you haven't seen this:



Cute right? I found it sweet. I didn't quite love it the way it seems a lot of people did, but hey, I just might have some lingering bias. (Sidenote: I HATED "Enchanted" and came closer than I ever have to walking out of the theater. Hated it. And I'm pretty sure I still would now.) But I genuinely enjoyed watching this little video, even though once was definitely enough for me.

Well a friend just posted this to FB:



I'm sorry, it's just too great. Obviously the group in the second video really knows what they're doing, that's some seriously well-choreographed and well-executed moves. The judge is my favorite. Well, maybe when she throws the bouquet is my favorite. Or maybe the court officers are my favorite. Oh hell the whole video just made me smile. And it's all meant in good fun.

I don't root for divorce. It sucks. It SUCKS. And it sucks even if you don't have kids. Or a house. But I have to say, I cringe a little every time I see the fairy tale, "we're so blissfully (blindly?) happy," marriage stuff. (Or a lot if it's a whole movie's worth of crap like "Enchanted" *vomit*) So it was really refreshing to see a parody of the "Forever" wedding entrance video. Cause I said "forever" once and later wound up in front of a judge saying "not anymore." Who says there can't be humor in that?

Sometimes it's the little things

Most of my life I have been religiously conflict avoidant. Ask any former roommate. (Is avoidant not a real word? I keep getting the red squiggly line. hmmm.) Getting married, however, kinda knocked that out of me. (Er, getting divorced is what really did it.) It's not totally gone, but you try being married to someone who sometimes does things that married men are not supposed to do and see how long you can avoid a conflict. So yeah, I'm way better at handling conflict than I used to be, but the tendency to avoid is still there.

I share an office with my boss, meaning I sit in the small rectangle between his desk and the wall, with my back to the door. This is so not feng shui it's not even funny. There is one particular gentleman I work with who is a pretty big guy. And he was in the habit of walking right into the 1 1/2 square feet of free space in my area and going through my drawers for stuff he needed... WHILE I WAS SITTING RIGHT THERE. It was so invasive and claustrophobic and frustrating it would ruin my whole day every time it happened.

So I resolved to handle this like a grown up. The next time he came in and started helping himself to my very limited amount of free space, I asked him if, when I'm sitting at my desk, he could ask me for what he needed instead of getting it himself. And he said oh sure no problem. And today? Today he walked in the door, stopped, and said "Hey, would you mind handing me the reservation books?" And I said "Sure thing."

It was like magic to this former conflict avoider. =)

A year ago today...

I was living in Cambridge, MA. I was working full time but I took that day off. I woke up without an alarm and got ready. Got some coffee and a bite to eat at the cafe and hopped on a bus to East Cambridge. I went into the courthouse there, the second time I'd had occasion to visit. I paid some nominal fee and got the official decree with the raised seal. I got back on the bus to Davis Square and I went to the Social Security office, took a number and filled out the paperwork. Showed them the official decree and they said, "Yes of course you can have your name back, paperwork looks good, have a nice day." Then I went back home to show my roomie. She was pleased. I was pleased too.

Today....
I am living in Morgantown, WV. I work full time but today I got to leave a little early. I woke up late, grabbed some fruit for breakfast and hopped in my car to go to the office. I came home for lunch and made myself french toast. Went back to the office to wait out the afternoon till my boss said "Yeah of course you can take off, nothing's going on here, have a nice weekend." Went to the grocery store. Now I'm sitting here, having a little glass of white wine and feeling pleased.